I felt myself shrinking despite trying to put things in perspective. It's too hard to look into other peoples pasts. It's too much for me to handle being in such close proximity with someone who knows more than I probably want to. And it's brought up every time by someone which is what I don't understand. It was surprising to hear from him but now I just want to disappear into myself. How long can I not feel worthy of something that is probably not even so great? I need fresh air and to be lifted up again. I can't find that in 1000 miles away but I can't find it close by either. We all wish we were our idols but I don't want to hear ex lovers quarrels. Not when you bring up the words with such casual knowledge of being.