We lay in each other's beds,
we pick through each other's heads,
we don't remember where we were
or where we went
or who was there.
We sit around, watch people learn,
watch them try
I watch some burn
We paint, we hate,
fallatiate??
I feel like hair,
a million me's
a million you's,
I don't give a fuck
what drives you.

We watch ourselves piss,
we make up,
I make up records
are the sweetest sound
I forget other people are human too,
and later
they have me seeing them cross-eyed
as I once saw you.

We lay around in each other's beds,
the walls bounce off us
moving chalk portraits,
we walk
like sketches playing lost.

"You don't want to be blindsided at some point because you've taken too much comfort from knowing nothing. So you try to keep a little store of practical knowledge. At a certain point you have to pretend that something is true in order to have a relationship with the world"

-Will Oldham

Why did I not know who he was?

woah orsen wells. you just blew my mind. i had no idea and never wanted to really watch citizen kane until i did and....

it was so full of revelation, so full of character analysis, so full of life and death and sadness and the oblivion we all have towards ourselves.

woah. i'm impressed, yet again, by old film and nights i keep for this.

I wanna get drunk-1
Oh my god. I wanna bath in whiskey sours-2

-results of dealing with children and "helping people" non-profit jobs

I feel like vomiting...I have all day. This nervous feeling in my stomach and everything I look at makes me want to throw up.

I keep falling in love and doing the wrong things, I keep rushing things because the world is terrifying and I keep messing things up because of it.

Now I'm stuck making things work because a big part of me wants to but the other part keeps telling me to be alone so I can only make wrong decisions that effect me,

and so I can't blame anyone else.

I cannot escape boredom. Cannot escape cringes. I cannot escape dog hair on my bed, on my clothes, on my eyelashes.

I can't.

Help it!