I wanna get drunk-1
Oh my god. I wanna bath in whiskey sours-2

-results of dealing with children and "helping people" non-profit jobs

I feel like vomiting...I have all day. This nervous feeling in my stomach and everything I look at makes me want to throw up.

I keep falling in love and doing the wrong things, I keep rushing things because the world is terrifying and I keep messing things up because of it.

Now I'm stuck making things work because a big part of me wants to but the other part keeps telling me to be alone so I can only make wrong decisions that effect me,

and so I can't blame anyone else.

I cannot escape boredom. Cannot escape cringes. I cannot escape dog hair on my bed, on my clothes, on my eyelashes.

I can't.

Help it!

Lewis Hine is alright stuff.

So is this...

"The

contemplation of

things as

they are

Without substitution or

imposture

Without error or confusion

Is in itself a nobler

thing

Than a whole harvest of invention"

Francis Bacon

The Tree of Life makes you want to weep for hours from a part of your soul you never knew existed. Beauty, beauty, beauty! Teaching me to try and let go of anger and resentment because it leaves you in the same place you were before all the anger. I haven't had a sip of booze in over 5 days...that's the longest period of time I've gone without it in over a year...My love in Philly told me the headaches will go away soon and I'd trust her with my life so I guess I can trust her with my headaches too.

"But why was Tomas the one doing the shooting? And why was he out to shoot Tereza with the rest of them?...She had come to him to escape her mother's world, a world where all bodies were equal. She had come to him to make her body unique, irreplaceable. But he, too, had drawn an equal sign between her and the rest of them: he kissed them all alike, stroked them alike, made no, absolutely no distinction...He had sent her back into the world she tried to escape, sent her to march naked with the other naked women."

-The Unbearable Lightness of Being

all of it cuts into me as actual, sadly, heartbreakingly actual.